You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
