Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
