what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
