no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
