Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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