Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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