If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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