shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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