anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
