so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
