I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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