i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
