I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
