Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
