That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
