you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize