i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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