Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
