just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
