I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize