A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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