A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
