Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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