Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
