I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
