dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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