My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
