Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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