hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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