Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
