I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize