he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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