Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
