community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
