Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
