Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Found your dick twin last night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
