I am full of burrito and curiosity
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
