Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
