I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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