my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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