FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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