i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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