Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
