I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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