i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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