in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
