Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
