you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
