he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can I color on your dick again?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
