Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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