Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
