Pappa wants mamma naked
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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