I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
