You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
