with your own penis?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
