this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
