OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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