When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
