Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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