I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize