A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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