i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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