ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
