Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
