1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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