Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
