I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
