theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize