Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
