the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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