Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
