You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
