Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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