if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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