there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
