He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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