I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
