If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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