Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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