I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
