I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were destined to go to rehab together
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
