Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
