Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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