I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
