My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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