I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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