dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
