Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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