Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
