I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
