Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
