they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
