Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
